This is not another post romanticizing family farms, sketching into the mind a picture of freshly made pies, picnics outdoors, and long summers soaking up the sun. So if you want to read about something like that, this post isn't for you.
This post is about the hate side of the love/hate relationship I have with farming. That's right, sometimes I HATE farming. With capitals. Seeing as I'm a novice farmer and this is only my second season running a 1 acre farm, you might ask yourself why I continue to torture myself. Well, most days the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. And I can't possibly judge a career that I have only just begun. I like to consider myself someone who is usually not that prejudice.
But, damn! Farming hurts. It hurts my body. My hands have cuts all over them, cracks near my nails where the skin has split from dryness, and blisters all over my palms. My back hurts from my idiocy at lifting a tub that was outside my weight lifting range, unbeknownst to me hence the back pain. My knees have bruises from kneeling on hidden rocks in the dirt as I weed and transplant. My mind hurts too. Spring brings so many tasks, that seemingly must be done simultaneously or the intricate web of the season's farm plan will crumble into oblivion.
Did I mention that I'm a mom too? To a amazing, wonderful one and a half year old. Who, this week, happens to be sick. So I've slept about 5 hours the last few nights, worked less than 2 hours the last few days because he has decided that he wants to be a piece of Velcro, or baby monkey on my back, or something of the sort.
That makes the prospect of getting all the tasks done that seemed overwhelming before my back hurt and before the little was sick seem downright impossible. At the moment, I feel like throwing in the towel, refunding my CSA customers and kicking up my feet in defeat. I remember
feeling this way last year, at roughly the same time.
So I wonder to myself if it will ever change. Is it because I'm new to this? Is it because I have been known to struggle with anxiety? Is it because I have a small child? Does this ever get easier??
I wish I could write a happy ending, but at the moment I can't think of one. So I'll get back to you on another day.